Trying to organize myself, finding myself, deciding what goes where, and realizing I am no where.
I am uncertain. I hate uncertainity. Sure I don\’t mind risk, but to an extent. I calculate my risks, or maybe I am under the false impression that I am good at it. I want to move on, I don\’t yet know where. Where I will go, where I am. I need to see where I am, but I can\’t find myself.
Of late I feel destroyed, but not explosively. Almost deconstructed, taken apart, bit by bit, helplessly watching myself, being eliminated, being wiped away.
I also need to try and find out the truth in my own thoughts. I am good at lying, but I think I\’ve been lying to myself all along. I am only human. I hope I am.
This post has been about me. All about me. But where am I? What am I? I have just been eliminated. Maybe, there is somewhere I can find myself, somewhere i belong, somewhere I exist.
I am tired of searching for that place.