It feels that something has happened. Today was one of the many days when I feel and try my hand at creating something, I have lost the ability to create. I fail to be able to describe a moment. I have lost vision. Once a man of perception, has lost all sense of all he had. I feel lost, barren, broken inside.
Through time I have moved from a story teller, a playwright, and a poet of sorts to what I am today. Nothing. The inability to create makes me feel like I am beyond my body, just a spirit, disjointed from the world. I feel unable to hold, shape and word things the way I want to.
It is purely and induction of the state of mind that I am going through, or rather I have been going through for over the past 4 years. From the end of my advertsing days to the end of marketing management to the start of entreprenurialism. Its been a long joirney. So llittle done, so much more to go. I am not tired, but I contemplate at times as to where I have been and where I belong. Those I have destryed and not those I have made. Those I have lost and those I have gained. Money is no object here.
Introspection leads to analysis, something I believe we must all do from time to time. I do not say we sit and calculate the cost of our actions, whether emotionally driven or calculated. What\’s done has been done, cannot be undone. We move on just learning what our actions have yielded.
I have realized that to this day, I have gained inner peace, or rather isolated myself from the inner me. Maybe thats just how inner peace is supposed to be. Silent, soft, unstirring.
There is so much more to be said, so much less felt though. Too bad, I dont have the words, or the expression to create it now.
Its like telling a story while you are gagged up, or telling it while you are facing the katabatic winds on a dark night in the December arctics. Maybe telling your story a hundred feet below the tumoultous sea. Each time all alone, each time you are drowning, each time knowing that you are losing yet carrying on. All a means to the end, knowing that its there, but just doing whats needed, not caring what it will bring you or anyone else.