Where I am

It has been a while since I have logged into my blog. Life, has been interesting.

\”Interesting\” being the key operative word here. It throws me from one place to another, from one situation to another. Birth, death, relationships, friendships employments…I can\’t find one thing that has not yet seen a change.

They say that if you meet someone after 7 years, the cells across the whole of the human body have changed and you technically are meeting an entirely new person. I think I have changed already, a lot.

There are many thoughts in my head that I no longer feel comfortable sharing with those around me. Everyone knows one aspect or another. No one knows the whole me. No one can know the whole me. A fear surrounds me, the fear of my own sanity. The fear of others knowing what I feel. I am lost in a sense of disbelief in my own abilities, in the sense of acceptance of the current state of affairs.

I feel suspended in air, the earth beneath me does not exist. There is nothing above, nothing below, nothing around me, no one and nothing to hold on to. From parents, to friends, to a relationship that did not survive the rocks we both threw at it.

I feel lost right now. Lost, for lack of a better word. Directionless, senseless, and yet I am in this weird sense of disconnect. I feel I force myself to comply with the relationships I need to deal with.

I tried moving out, out of the country, but that has not worked too well for me. I hope it does when I do try again, if I do, if I live, which I am unsure of, how long.

On a side note, I am back to exploring photography.