Where am i…?

As a bleak ray of light pierced through the darkness, struck my hand, after days of darkness, I could almost feel a light sting on my skin. Waves of unexplained joy, sprung across every quarter of my body. Uncontrolled yet apprehensive and hesitant, my feelings desired a freedom to transgress all known bounds, but were bound by a sense of fear. It was more than a paradox. A feeling of simultaneous happiness and sorrow limited on both ends by temporal boundaries. It was more than a weird feeling, like living in a cage, larger than any known palace with all the luxuries man can ever dream of except the freedom to breathe without fear, the freedom to look beyond ones abode, the freedom to dream and desire. It was more than a feeling. Every bit of it was as real as the illusion of existence called life itself.

I don\’t quite remember my childhood so well, maybe because I didn\’t have one to enjoy the precious memories. I feel lost between my days of innocence and life today, as where I am, a world apart from innocence, blamed everywhere for crimes that were never defined. The system of justice that has prosecuted me is itself highly unknown to me, or any other individual for that matter. But the irony is by the time you are faced with it and as soon as you think of putting a question about it, a judgement has been passed upon you and you are taken away, your plea never heard, your questions unanswered and your eyes see the last of the world for the rest of your life.

All through my earlier life I have been an easy doing person, not as popular hot shot but more than the average sloppy Joe in the party. I was liked for what I was; my powers and my sufficiency in many essential elements needed to live a so-called perfect life. What is a perfect life? How do we describe perfection? Is perfection a mere manifestation of all our deepest inner desires into the physical, or a pure feeling of inner satisfaction to the extent that after living that moment you no not mind entering the folds of death?

After I lost what I had, in terms of physical control, in the ride across the ocean that is life in this universe, everything changed. I became more aware of my surroundings, simply to discover I had been alienated. All those that the world called friends and those upon whom you bestow a relationship of trust have deserted you. How does it feel? There is no known word that describes what I felt. A feeling of strength and disintegration at the same time. A sense of togetherness and solace. A feeling that is beyond all norms of descriptive language and definitive communication.

My life has always been more of a struggle, countless injuries and uncountable phases of recovery just to stand up and be hit once again. Having waited eons to live the life that I have desired, I still look at myself as a slave. A slave to the system. A system that has not yet been defined. A system that will never be defined and moreover take all that I have, eventually leaving me with nothing to cry for, even my tears will not be mine.

Today I am very busy, thinking of a purpose that my existence will serve. What it lives for, what it desires and what it needs to be. This is a bewildering thought yet totally inconclusive an argument that can carry on till the end of what we may call eternity. What is eternity? Is there really a time across which we span our existence and call the occurring incidents a part of life? Or is it merely an illusion that we have been given to deceive ourselves. After all, it has been proven that everything that we feel, see, hear or do is only an electrical signal that travels to a point in the brain. And is possible to recreate any sensation by simply connecting a wire to the brain and stimulating it to the correct point.

Amidst all this, isn\’t it possible to actually be living in a different state while feeling our selves in this one due to an external stimulation of the senses? For all that matters we could be living in a vegetative state with only our brains functioning in this world, that has been created for it.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust. Quit wasting your time & do what you must.

So what if I messed up the old saying? Who cares? The important thing is to do what we have to do. And that we must do it under any circumstances. How long will we run from our responsibilities and hide our faces from the truth? The truth that we have to accept the changes around us and adapt accordingly.

Let\’s face it, life has changed. It is not what we have known it to be and it will never be tomorrow what it is today. The world has changed and has kept on changing since time came into existence. The fact that there is nothing constant in this world except change itself is true by all means. There really is nothing that can be trusted in this word. Not the wind, not the mountains, not the nature that supports it and not even the water that feeds life itself.
Our lives have come down to nothing more than an endless pursuit of the all the possible modes of idiocrisy that exists in this world. We have learnt nothing from the state of those before us and that of those that were once before us and are now beyond our sense of perception. We have failed to understand the basic concept of progress and forward thinking.